The images on it are gorgeous and I’ve found myself consulting it more often than I had expected. Usually drawing only one card either for a client or myself. It isn’t a practice I’ve done with regularity but having recently returned from my Magickal Healing Bootcamp Week I decided to draw a card as guidance for moving forward.
I drew #8 Promise of the Future
Looking at the card the first thing that drew my attention was the glow upon the back of Ganesha’s head. Looking as if the light was coming from within & without at the same time. Looking out at the sunrise shining across the distance in front of him.
“Rest assured something new is on the horizon”, the book says & it goes on to talk about a new phase in life, new creative endeavors and asking Ganesha to help uncover subconscious desires, to follow any creative nudges and all sparks of inspiration.
In light of drawing this card I’ve decided to undertake a magickal working with Ganesha. A specially dedicated portion of my daily practice or sadhana for 8 days to reflect the number of the card. I’ll take time daily to do as recommended and reflect on lessons & blessings of past endeavors and I’ll also allow myself time for creativity be it drawing, coloring, painting or…
Aum Gam Ganapataye Namaha
is the chant I learned during my Bhakti training & I will use for this practice, 108 times counting with my mala beads
This chant is used to invoke Lord Ganesha, who is worshiped before all, the patron of art & sciences, is called upon at the beginning of all endeavors and stands at the doorway leading forward.
This all seems very appropriate following my trip and the deep healing work. I am ready for new endeavors. I am ready for the upcoming year. I am ready for the FUTURE.
I’ve arrived home from my week in San Francisco and given myself a couple of days to ruminate and settle back in. It was my intention to post before and after pics of the psoriasis spot that has always been my worst but it is simply not very photogenic. I’ll ask you to settle for a picture of me in SF instead
AND I’ll have to ask you to take my word for it that great improvement is not only visible but felt. I ran out of the salve I use topically while on my trip which would normally have resulted in dryness and redness worsening, yet instead both are improving on a daily basis! Cold laser therapy definitely has worked for me.
In many ways I’m still processing physically, mentally and emotionally. Over the past several years I’ve struggled with my ability to use my hands. My grip has been worsening and making many things difficult. The physical effort required to hold my pen and journal was a daily struggle between my desires & abilities. You see journaling has been the backbone of my spiritual practice and a cornerstone of my self understanding & transformation my entire life. I could feel myself sinking deeper & deeper into helplessness every time I tried to hold a pen. I tried typing. I tried audio recording. I tried silence. I tried meditation. Though I benefited from all of the attempts in some ways I never felt like I was truly able to capture the same experience. I longed to sit & write by candlelight after my morning practices.
When I mentioned to Dr Kim that I was having issues with my grip during our first NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) session he decided we should test it. My right hand was testing around 8 and my left only 2 at the start but by the end the right had increased to 10-11 and my left had increased to a solid 8! We tested a couple more times over the week with the final numbers coming in at 13-14 for the right hand and the left getting as high as 12, almost 13!
I have gained back my morning journaling practice! I will be grateful for this every single day and not allow myself to take it for granted!
That is only one very small way that my ability to function daily will be improved by this one week of healing. Yesterday I was able to help my daughter in the kitchen a little bit. My son in law immediately noticed and rejoiced in my renewed strength. Tonight I will once again lift my gong mallets with a stronger grip than they have ever known. I will hold stronger to those I love because I can. I will hold hands with less pain. I will shuffle tarot cards, I will paint, draw, work with my candles and any number of other things will less pain and more strength.
I love Monty Python, I’ve loved them since I was a wee one living on a British Army Base with my family and I have even had the pleasure of seeing Eric Idle sing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” live at Universal Amphitheater many moons ago. It is one of my favorite songs and it really does sum me up pretty well, I am an optimist. I am. Not 100% of the time but really it is my preferred state, my go to, knee-jerk reaction; to look on the bright side of life.
I also live with chronic pain. Diagnoses over the years include psoriasis, graves disease, psoriatic arthritis & fibromyalgia. Managing my health and pain is a constant part of my life. I was sickly and also athletic as a child, clumsy and prone to injury. People have said I have high tolerance for pain my entire life. I don’t really think it matters, pain is personal and relative.
Having lived a life that includes self-examination for most of the adult years and not remembering much of my childhood, I have spent many years working out exactly when I began to “shut down” to deal with the pain. When I started doing it instinctually very young I used a broad paint brush and “numbed out” to all feelings. Through self-examination and my yogic & magickal practices I have learned to appreciate my ability to “numb” or “separate from” certain things. When I first learned I did it, it felt and was spoken about as a “bad” thing. It is honestly how I survive though. I allow the pain to exist in a place within the entirety of “myself” and yet not have to feel it all the time. Staying present enough to know when I’m moving too far away from the pain so I don’t “tune out” to the people and experiences in my life. This means that I do have pain, at least some every day.
Just this morning when I was finally able to build enough appetite to eat and on the second to last bite, I managed to move in such a way as to piss my most enlarged joint right the fuck off for a split second. In that hot stabby poker in my knuckle kinda way. It was brief and intense. And almost immediately I found myself in the space of knowing that I had to love my body’s ability to know when to send a sharp message. And I was thankful. It brought tears to my eyes and I wept to release all of the hatred I have felt towards my body every time I heard, from within or without, that voice saying that numbing out was weak and hiding. It felt good. It felt courageous.
The bright side of my pain is that it is another way that my own divinity speaks to me; that the cliché of pain being a gift to remind us that we can feel is a cliché because it is truth.
I shaved my head a week and a half ago, thereby ending five and a half years of dreadlocked hair. Here is a raw shot of myself this morning, no makeup, in pain and with stubble. I like the way I look. I like the way I feel. And you know what, I am in a good mood today. Really I have been all day. I’ve been productive and found inspiration from the efforts of loved ones. I am happy. I am not just looking on, I am living the bright side of life.