I’ve arrived home from my week in San Francisco and given myself a couple of days to ruminate and settle back in. It was my intention to post before and after pics of the psoriasis spot that has always been my worst but it is simply not very photogenic. I’ll ask you to settle for a picture of me in SF instead
AND I’ll have to ask you to take my word for it that great improvement is not only visible but felt. I ran out of the salve I use topically while on my trip which would normally have resulted in dryness and redness worsening, yet instead both are improving on a daily basis! Cold laser therapy definitely has worked for me.
In many ways I’m still processing physically, mentally and emotionally. Over the past several years I’ve struggled with my ability to use my hands. My grip has been worsening and making many things difficult. The physical effort required to hold my pen and journal was a daily struggle between my desires & abilities. You see journaling has been the backbone of my spiritual practice and a cornerstone of my self understanding & transformation my entire life. I could feel myself sinking deeper & deeper into helplessness every time I tried to hold a pen. I tried typing. I tried audio recording. I tried silence. I tried meditation. Though I benefited from all of the attempts in some ways I never felt like I was truly able to capture the same experience. I longed to sit & write by candlelight after my morning practices.
When I mentioned to Dr Kim that I was having issues with my grip during our first NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) session he decided we should test it. My right hand was testing around 8 and my left only 2 at the start but by the end the right had increased to 10-11 and my left had increased to a solid 8! We tested a couple more times over the week with the final numbers coming in at 13-14 for the right hand and the left getting as high as 12, almost 13!
I have gained back my morning journaling practice! I will be grateful for this every single day and not allow myself to take it for granted!
That is only one very small way that my ability to function daily will be improved by this one week of healing. Yesterday I was able to help my daughter in the kitchen a little bit. My son in law immediately noticed and rejoiced in my renewed strength. Tonight I will once again lift my gong mallets with a stronger grip than they have ever known. I will hold stronger to those I love because I can. I will hold hands with less pain. I will shuffle tarot cards, I will paint, draw, work with my candles and any number of other things will less pain and more strength.
I am in San Francisco, a few days into my dedicated week of healing and already feel stronger after a couple days of treatments. What treatments, you might ask. Well, I am under the care of a doctor of chiropractic and an allergist. I am undergoing daily treatments with the allergist, daily cold laser treatments, as well as NIS & NET treatments, though not daily. I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand these treatments but you know what? I don’t have to. My body is responding and the professionals treating me understand and that is what is important. If you want to find out what they are about I have added links above to places that will explain it for you. None of it is invasive or even uncomfortable and I do feel subtle differences already. I can see a slight improvement in my largest psoriasis spot on my lower left leg and the smaller spots on my torso have improved dramatically or disappeared altogether. I didn’t think of taking pictures to document until last night and could only really get the larger spot on the leg to show up in the picture. I will continue to document with pictures and post some before and after shots once I’ve completed the treatments. Tomorrow we start the NET treatments so I will update with more on that after.
I am feeling much more introverted than usual this week and the weather is colder than I am used to so I am taking plenty of time indoors to rest my body, read and journal. In doing so I am reminded of just how long this journey of healing has really been going on. I spoke earlier about how I have been sick literally since the day I was born and how the diagnoses and disease list kept growing over the years. But when did the healing start? The more I think about it the more I think it all must have started the day my friend Beth and I walked into an ashram in downtown Phoenix and met Harpal. Harpal taught beginning kundalini yoga on Wednesdays. In that first class I remember her talking about how if we listen our bodies they will talk to us. Beth and I went every week and after a few months my partner, Kevin, joined us. Though Beth’s life took her away from the state, Kevin and I continued for the better part of 2 years. After awhile Harpal started telling us that we weren’t beginners anymore but we loved her and we stayed with it until she no longer taught at that studio. Once she left we found it difficult to find another time that was convenient so Kevin and I moved our practice to our home. After several months of at home kundalini yoga practice I awoke one morning to the sound of my angel telling me loud and clear, “Now is the time to start yoga teacher training!” It even told me what school to attend and within two weeks I was sitting in my first day of yoga teacher training in the Hatha tradition. So it all started with yoga. Over the next 2 1/2 years I studied voraciously. Ending up with a yoga therapist certification and 800 hours of training.
During that time period as I learned to listen to my body more and more it became apparent that I had neglected self care for far too long. More and more every single day my own health became a greater challenge and therefore a greater priority. From one angle it could almost look as if my health was deteriorating instead of improving however what I came to realize was that I had been ignoring the signs of decline for many, many years. So much so that my body had to keep getting louder and louder to get my attention.
I was such an expert at getting up, brushing it off and getting on with life that I’d begun to pick myself up before I even realized I was falling. No more. I cannot live like that anymore. I know there will always be times when picking myself up off the floor and pushing through will be what is needed and I also know there will be times when putting my own healing is a greater priority than any other thing going! Now is a time to focus on my healing. Through the amazing generosity of loved ones I am being afforded an opportunity to do just that. I am incredibly grateful to all that have helped me so far in this journey and for any help that is yet to come. I will not waste your efforts I promise! I will continue to listen to my body and make healthier choices. I will continue to honor its needs and to that end I will end this for tonight. Thanks for listening.